Up Yours Truly

A fairy tale about software development

Posts Tagged ‘Oracle

The Secret of Oracle

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Have you ever wondered why Oracle products are so great and flawless? I have, for countless nights and days… And I believe the answers are:

What an amazing company!

Written by Ken Benchmark Jr.

April 28, 2008 at 12:05 pm

Posted in The Story

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The Stairs of Death

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Today we’ll have a small Oracle workshop sponsored by one of our Oracle Certified Associates:

Oracle Associate Logo

Have you ever seen a huge, and I mean huge piece of code full of nested blocks? I bet you did. The most encouraging thing that could happen is to see something like this in your editor at the end:

5687:                END IF;  -- You can now hang yourself here.
5688:              END LOOP;  --                               |
5689:            END IF;      --                               |
5690:          END IF;        --                               O
5691:        END IF;          --                              /|\
5692:      END LOOP;          --                              / \
5693:    END IF;
5694:  END IF;
5695:END;

This is called The Stairs of Death. It’s the best way to express your love to those who some day will have to continue the development of this magnificent programming gem. You can imagine climbing up there and hanging yourself.

Such and similar ASCII (pronounced Ass-Key) art is usually found in code of Sergey Klepalov.

Written by Ken Benchmark Jr.

January 29, 2008 at 12:17 pm

Sergey Klepalov – Senior software architect

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Sergey KlepalovSergey is the mastermind behind most of our products. He has 20 years of experience in Oracle and Java and has his own ways for solving problems. Such amount of skill must have opened his brain so he can answer any given question from Oracle or Java and his answer will happen to be the most optimal solution for the problem. He refuses to believe in Object Oriented Programming or Design Patterns as they are uncommon in nature of computer science. Klepalov has taken Java programming to new unbelievable heights. No other developer of SHIT Inc. is able to write a fully functional large scale enterprise Java program in a single Class with one method without using any external libraries except OracleJDBC drivers. And that, my friends, is done with no fancy IDE like Eclipse or IDEA which changes your diapers, powders your sorry ass and makes you a cup of sweet coffee while you drag and drop snippets and click “Next”, “Yes”, “Build”, “Run”, “Debug” or “Fix Memory Leaks” buttons, Sergey Klepalov does it with VIM. Because Real Men use VIM for everything. Period.

Klepalov is Oracle Certified Associate:

Oracle Associate Logo

And of course, a Certified Professional of Java Technology:

S. Klepalov’s Java Certification

I have tracked his Java certification process personally. Here is the unofficial chart of his passed Java certifications:

Klepalov’s Java Certification Achievements

Expects lots of “Best Practice” articles inspired by this great fellow soon.

Written by Ken Benchmark Jr.

January 26, 2008 at 9:41 am

Posted in Colleagues

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