Up Yours Truly

A fairy tale about software development

Dizzy Jones – The main man

with 3 comments

Dizzy Jones himselfThere is no object he could not sell at least 10 times of it’s original cost. He is the one who can sell a used pencil for $99.99 by convincing it’s a brand new 16GB high speed USB storage device extracted from aliens at Area 51. He can even sell it twice. To same guy. By talking him to give it back for violation of EULA in first place. To a guy who does not own a computer, i.e. a homeless person who is well aware of technology. Even if the guy would have to sell his kidney to get the pencil, but hell, he would.

When Dizzy starts talking, everybody listens. They have no choice because he talks too fast to get interrupted. And of course he is the CEO behind the SHIT Inc. As every successful CEO of a fortune 5000 company like SHIT Inc., Dizzy has no clue about what is going on, as he barely visits the office. When he does, every employee stands up and honors him with Hail Hitler move out of plain respect.

Mr. Jones is great at hiring people. If the interviewee has any weak points at all, Dizzy finds them and stabs the fellow mentally so hard that the person has the following three choices left:

  1. Hang himself.
  2. Pay $99/month for a chance to work at SHIT Inc. 60 hours a week as a volunteer.
  3. Pretend that Universe is a figment of his imagination and get an instant out of body experience. In other words, to have a permanent coma.

If you wish to apply to SHIT Inc., you should first take a 3-year course of training in courtesy of Shoalin monks. When you can slay a Bengal tiger by looking him in the eye for three minutes and break construction blocks with your forehead – you are ready.

In early days of the company Dizzy Jones did programming too. He didn’t have to know any programming language, his code was so convincing that any compiler would make a perfect bug-free byte code out of his Microsoft Word documents. Nobody understands this phenomenon and perhaps never will. It must be because average person uses 2% of his brain while Dizzy Jones uses the whole 99.99%.

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Written by Ken Benchmark Jr.

January 25, 2008 at 3:39 pm

Posted in Colleagues

Tagged with , , ,

3 Responses

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  1. Amazing story… After reading it, I really want to work at SHIT Inc.. REALLY.

    I want to meet this great phenomenon, this great person, to be able to learn.

    Thanks for inspiring article, I’m going to try to sell my used socks.

    Mr. Smith

    January 26, 2008 at 1:30 am

  2. […] happened that Dizzy Jones was the one who noticed his talent. Believe it or not but Mohamed Abdullah is the best systems […]

  3. […] you think you can do it, including an interview with Dizzy, apply right here in the […]


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